Lessons From the Dark: Rules to Battle the Inner Chaos.

My previous blog post My Battle with the Darkness: Depression, Anxiety and Addiction was an extremely challenging thing to write. I tried to keep it as raw as possible without too much editing in the hope of relaying my feelings while walking you through my story. Once it was written there was no question in my mind whether I would post it. In writing that blog post I learned a lot about myself and the support and encouragement I have received since posting it has proven to me that I was right to post it. Hopefully others can take something out of the lessons I have learned so as to be able to better confront their own darkness when it comes.

The main lessons I have learned from the darkness are:

• Be the “observer” of yourself and others. You should aim to be able to detach emotionally in a crisis. Look at what you are doing as if you were observing yourself in a given situation.
• Be honest with yourself and the people closest to you. This is extremely challenging as our ego will not allow us to see our true selves.
• Be the person you think you are. You’re a good person right? If so do good things for the sake of goodness, otherwise stop lying to yourself until you become closer to your self image. If you only do good things for the credit then maybe you need to re-evaluate your motivations.
• You are not alone, the darkness spares none of us. Seek out help from those closest to you or a professional.
• Stagnation Leads to Suffering, both mental and physical and I know both well so keep your body, mind and ideologies moving forward.
• Be selfish. It’s okay to be selfish until you are out of the well. Work to better yourself then you can help others around you, rather than drain them with your darkness. Be selfish to become a better person. I am starting to believe that selfless, caring and empathic people who always give their energy to others give too much and need to learn to practice selfishness as an exercise. This is not to become selfish per se but to become more empathic and caring by concentrating on bettering yourself before you can help others. Also practicing a bit of selfishness will help you better understand people around you that may not be as selfless as yourself. Help yourself before you can help others. 
• The Grass is Greener on the Inside. Many people are constantly comparing themselves with those around them and compete with each other for who has the latest and greatest. We need to learn not to concentrate on the neighbours grass but instead tend to our own internal garden. You will never be happy if you constantly compare your life to others. If you yell in traffic or have a physical response while dwelling on the past then that is an indication that you need to work on yourself. So tend to your internal garden so you can see that the grass is greener on the inside.
• Do Jiu-Jitsu. You could really do any physically challenging endeavour but Jiu-Jitsu is the fastest, simplest, most efficient and most fun way to grow as a person. It is not easy, in fact it is the most difficult, yet rewarding pursuits one could master. Your ego and body will be tested by constant submission but in the end you will welcome the challenge and be a far more confident, mobile, healthy and happy person. If a paraplegic can step up on the mat, what’s stopping you?
• Do what you have to do but do what you love as well. Try to find a path to earn a living doing something you enjoy but understand the road will be long and bumpy. This could be photography, writing a novel, learning a new skill or any creative pursuit. Use your free time to pursue this path, an hour a day or whatever it takes. If you can build a living around the things you love then one part of your life will be best prepared to deal with the darkness.
• Take one step at a time and continually work towards a bigger goal with small daily steps. It’s the little things, done daily, that matter the most. If you can’t master the micro how will you handle the macro, ie. If you neglect the small tasks how will you be able to handle large tasks?
• Try to do something that scares you every day. Examples can be martial arts, public speaking, live streaming, having uncomfortable conversations, etc, but not necessarily risking your life every day. Embracing fear helps to build us up to a stronger, more formidable foe to the darkness.
• Live within your means. What is the minimal you need to be happy? If you had nothing could you be happy? Be that person that can be happy with very little so long as the important things are covered. Never overspend or over-borrow getting further in debt. Never rely on the banks keeping interest rates low. Can you handle a 5% increase on your home loan or will that make you destitute? Given the recent past, that is a recipe for disaster. Do you need the latest 4K TV? Really? 
• Practice daily mindfulness. Exercise, breathing, journaling, fishing, walking, cooking, etc. Whatever activity you can get lost in that is simple, interesting and enjoyable can be a form of mindful practice. Learn to be present in the moment and become aware of your environment and your interaction within it.
• Come to terms with your connection to food. Understand that food can have a powerful emotional and physical impact on our bodies. Whatever dietary choices you make understand that if you ever indulge in a guilty treat, worrying about the fact you gave in to temptation causes stress in the body which is actually worse on your body than the treat ever could have been. You will also find that once you give in to temptation once it means the whole diet is ruined therefore you quit. You need to relax your stringent rules to allow for a conscious departure from diet for a set time. If you ever indulge your desires, actually enjoy the experience and make it have an uplifting, positive effect on the body, mind and spirit. We have a powerful emotional connection to food in our culture so we should learn to use that experience to have a positive, uplifting effect on our bodies, rather than inducing stress hormones to negatively impact the body.
• Ask the question “Is it an ad?”. The government, corporations, special interest groups, sporting teams, supermarkets, television, etc all use propaganda to spread their message. Whenever presented with something ask if it’s an ad? Who benefits from this? What are the underlying conflicts of interest? This could be used as 'programming' of society on a large scale. Propaganda can be used for good (teaching children about stranger danger) or evil (Nazi, Germany). Being aware that this is a powerful tool used to change the way we think is the first step in freeing yourself from the restraints of conforming to social norms. Follow the money and be aware before you decide to believe what you see on TV.
• Hack your simulation. If, as scientists believe, we could be living in a computer simulation then treat life like a computer game. Find ways to hack it, keep trying to build your character to a higher level. Think of that high level as you wish, whether it’s a higher level of health, wealth, wisdom or whatever but use the analogy to take control of your avatar and help guide its direction however you wish. Take control of your simulation to achieve your goals and if you fail with one of your life paths you have more backup lives that you can count on.

If you can do some or all of these, then you are bound to learn a lot and I would love to know what you learnt as a result. Work on fixing yourself first then you will have the power to support those around you, that is how we can grow as a community.

Ikaria, Greece